but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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