there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
