I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
well you can't waste a boner
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
