I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
