Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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