it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
