I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
