If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
