Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
