If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
