i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
