Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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