I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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