John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
No subtext here. People are naked.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
