Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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