i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
