I bet he comes in French.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
