Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
