hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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