cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
