She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
