twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
