Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
