just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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