Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
