In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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