i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm too high and old for this...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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