I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
