It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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