Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
