for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
