He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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