It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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