we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
