there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
