if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
