im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
