Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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