We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
