The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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