last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
