Acid is not a monday night drug
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
