Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
