I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
