Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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