No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
