he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
