I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
