I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
