You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
