nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
