so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
