mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
