god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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