So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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